For those who don’t know, I was a catholic lay member of Youth for Christ, Singles for Christ, and currently a member of Couples for Christ. I spent my most treasured moments during my youth serving this ministry. I loved every moment serving, in retrospect, even the most stressful and irritating situations were great lessons. These experience made me who I am today.

Last Sunday was the feast of the Holy Trinity. Since we are in quarantine, we attended an online celebration of the Holy Eucharist, and what lead me to writing this today is something struck me with what the priest was sharing during his homily. He shared his ‘calling’. He described how in the very last moments before he becomes a full-fledged priest, he was still asking the Lord for some sort of affirmation – “Do you want me to become a priest?”. In the end, he was so sure that God was speaking to him during that moment, as he described how faithful the Lord was to him, and how we was the concern of the Trinity, and how They valued him, by troubling themselves by meeting and discussing for his’ sake. Oh how sure was he, and the product of his conviction, his connection with the Trinity, has lead him throughout these years.

I envy him. I can’t recall the amount of time that I had asked the Lord what His will for me, and ending with me, unsure, and uncertain. I wish I heard God calling me clearly. Sometimes I feel that I am where God wants me to be, and that I know He’s faithfully watching over me. I still believe that He is in control in my life, but how I wish I had the same conviction as that priest.

Reflecting on these thoughts makes me look back at all the things that has been happening in my life, and sometimes everything is just a blur. Just taking things a day a time, but every now and then, how I wish I knew what the hell I am doing with life. I wish it wasn’t all – ‘bahala na si Batman’